this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
