Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
