we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
