my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize