I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
