I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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