escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
