I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
