trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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