Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
