So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
