the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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