The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
