To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
