If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
