A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
