the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
