So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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