When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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