My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
