Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
