How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
