So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
