Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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