oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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