i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
