I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
