I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We had to coat check the pizza.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
