i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
