remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
