i just wanna soil my oats bro
now i know why i became what i already was.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
