I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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