I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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