im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
