I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
