Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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