one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
