I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
