In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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