I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if only i could text you this smell
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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