What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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