I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
