Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
