Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
