I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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