I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
