In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
