OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
