i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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