What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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