I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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