I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Randomize
