He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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