"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
