just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
