thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
soo... how was my night?
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