THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
